Self-Reflect in Moderation

I’m quickly learning that Student Affairs Professionals either self-reflect a lot or because of job demands and time restraints, very little. So, let me tell you about a small panic attack I had this weekend, after a lot of self-reflecting and what I came to conclude about self-reflection.  

Over the weekend, while with the boyfriend and roommates, a discussion began about plans for after graduation. I began self-reflecting on myself and about my previous position and where I ultimately wanted to go with my future.  For some reason, this triggered a flood of irrational thoughts and anxieties that everyone experiences at one point, if not multiple points, in their life.

Some of my doubts centered on whether or not I was intelligent and strong enough to be a leader. Some concerned whether I could do the work of a Student Affairs professional. Other thoughts centered on whether I had the personality and qualities to be a leader. I questioned myself, as in; have I learned from all my mistakes and faults from my previous position? Will I be able to survive university politics, and do I want to be involved in university politics ever again? I’ve seen it at work and it is vicious and unrelenting. Can I get past some of those circumstances from my previous position and learn from them and then leave them behind. Am I too late to really become an asset to the Student Affairs field?

I’ve done many interviews this year for part-time position, GA positions, internship positions, and none of them have panned out. So am I good enough for entry-level Student Affairs positions, or am I delusional and need to change professions?

I’ve been told that my expectations for myself are too high and I should not expect so much from myself when I’m not that good and need more mentoring and training. Should I listen to them or continue with my high expectations and keep driving forward?

While I knew that everything was being emotionally and irrationally driven through my mind, it still took a few days to shake off the thoughts and feelings that were swerving around in my head and get everything back into perspective.

So far, I’ve regained most of my rationality back. While reflecting the past few days, you’ll be happy to hear (hopefully) that I’ve had mostly good come from it. I’ve been able to clear up some things for myself. I’ve realized that like many, I’ve taken a very untraditional route into my field. While I may be older and over qualified for entry-level positions, yet not qualified for anything higher, I shouldn’t lower my expectations. I have learned from my previous position, but I need to also leave it behind me, and not let it dictate what I do in the future. I need to just keep pushing forward. Get involved where I can, do what I can, and learn what I can. Only the future will be able to let me know if I am intelligent enough or have the qualities and traits of a leader for Student Affairs.

However, to get to the point of today’s blog, I have concluded that self-reflection is really helping me to get perspective, and learn about myself so that one day I hopefully become a better man, and professional. However I’ve also concluded that if not balanced with reality, self-reflection can also hinder an individual. If a person over reflects and criticizes his/herself, it kicks up fears and can enlarge their blind spots. So at the end of the day, my tidbit of advice: Self-Reflect in Moderation.